you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
