Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
