i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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