My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
