I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
