Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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