please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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