my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
