I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize