So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
