I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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