Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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