woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
