I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
