The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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