I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize