So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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