giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
