just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
