I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
