You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize