mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
this just has baby written all over it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
