and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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