I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
