we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
