1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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