return my video game
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
