I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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