I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am one with the molecules
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
