I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
