Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
