booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
