idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize