haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
