I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
