Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
