I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
