I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
