I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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