I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
