Will you blow on my dice?
I want to make a zoo with you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
