you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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