i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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