I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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