so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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