Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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