I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
