I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i believe in u and ur pee
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
