The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
