I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
