is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
