:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
