No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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