Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
