I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
