but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
