hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
