she kept yelling 'call me bella'
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
