do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
