Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
vagina is talking i cant
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
