these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
