oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
