i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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