u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude i'm inner monologue high
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
