Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
