my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
