sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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