Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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