just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
