guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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