this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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