i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
