My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
