fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this beer tastes like vomit already
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
