just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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