You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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