Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
