I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
