She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize