I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
