at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
