In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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