I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
