In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
