do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize