The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
