Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
