woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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