32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
