i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
