Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
