my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
