The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
