I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
