Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
